Jokes
A man speaks frantically into the phone, "My wife is pregnant, and her contractions are only two minutes apart!"
"Is this her first child?" the doctor queries.
"No, you idiot!" the man shouts. "This is her husband!"
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A woman's husband has died. After a few months, she decides she wants a new one. She submits a classified ad as follows:
"Widow looking for a new husband. To be considered, you must conform to these three criteria:
1 - You can't beat me (as my first husband did).
2 - You can't run around on me (as my first husband did).
3 - You MUST be good in bed (as my first husband wasn't)."
A few days later, the doorbell rings. She opens the door and a man without any arms and or legs is sitting in a wheel chair.
"Can I help you?" she says.
"I'm here about your ad in the paper."
"Which ad is that?"
"The one looking for a husband."
She says, "Uhm, well, there were certain criteria..."
"Yes, I know. Obviously, I could never beat you... I have no arms."
"Well, yes, I see that... but there were other criteria."
"And, as you can see, I could never run around on you... I have no legs."
"Well, yes, that's true... but there was one other thing that is very important..."
"Ah, yes, well... how do you think I rang the door bell?"
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A turkey was chatting with a bull: 'I would love to be able to get to the top of that tree' sighed the turkey, 'but I haven't got the energy.'
'Well, why don't you nibble on some of my droppings?' replied the bull. They're packed with nutrients.'
The turkey pecked at a lump of dung, and found it actually gave him enough str ength to reach the lowest branch of the tree.
The next day, after eating some more dung, he reached the second branch..
Finally after a fourth night, the turkey was proudly perched at the top of the tree.
He was promptly spotted by a farmer, who shot him out of the tree.
MORAL OF THE STORY: Bull shit might get you to the top, but it wont keep you there.
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difference among girls aged :8 , 18 , 28 , 38 , 48 , 58 , 68 & 78
8- you take her to bed and tell her a story
18- you tell her a story and take her to bed
28- you don't have to tell her a story to take her to bed
38- she tells you a story and takes you to bed
48- you tell her a story to avoid going to bed
58- you stay in bed to avoid her story
68- if you take her to bed that will be a story
78- if you take her to bed ....that will be the end of the story
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All these are some ripoffs from the net, i found them funny so i had it posted..
Going crazy at...
Sunday, September 28, 2008
